running solo

"I’m struck by how, except when you’re young, you really need to pri­or­i­tize in life, fig­ur­ing out in what order you should divide up your time and energy. If you don’t get that sort of sys­tem set by a cer­tain age, you’ll lack focus and your life will be out of bal­ance..."

in a society where everything is a blur, i thrive on the rare moments of solitude and quiet.

"It might be a lit­tle silly for some­one get­ting to be my age to put this into words, but I just want to make sure I get the facts down clearly: I’m the kind of per­son who likes to be by him­self. To put a finer point on it, I’m the type of per­son who doesn’t find it painful to be alone..."

it's hard to explain to most of those around me who are social butterflies without seeming anti-social. is it that hard to grasp why time alone is so awesome? don't get me wrong, i wouldn't wish isolation on anyone who wants to stay sane, yet at the same time moments that you spend by yourself writing, running, crafting, etc. are precisely what keeps you from going insane in the hustle that sometimes is life.

i'm probably preaching to the choir (if anyone at all) but especially in our world growing smaller everyday thanks to social media, time disconnected is precious... says me as i write on a social blog hah. you get what i mean. if not, oh well i get it :)

wow. this post didn't turn out how i thought it would at all. it was supposed to be something more along the lines of finding constants in the eclectic but maybe that inkling is for another time.

uninspired

here we go again.

new musings

Musings of a Bebot...launches later this week.

Kinikilig talaga!

whirlwind way

i can't believe it's the end of july. so much has happened this year. so much has happened in one month alone! and it's the same story for each month that has passed. i knew i was jumping into uncertainty when i picked up and left my stable life in SD but i don't think i expected it to be such a whirlwind of a way.

in true abstract-shortcut-bev-fashion, here's a few words to sum up a few things: quit, move out, bye sd, move in, hello oaktown, hunt, hunt, hunt, work, work, work, dc, dc, dc, move in, montana, la, layoff, sinking feeling, push forward, and now. i didn't foresee most of what has happened this year so far. it wasn't in my plans. but who was i kidding right? it was never really my plan to begin with.

i can say that even with the bad, i'm thankful of where i am. i can't predict where i'll "be" next week, much less can i even predict where i'll be tomorrow. all's i can say is that i'm so fortunate to have crossed paths with the people that i've crossed paths with. i don't think they realize that even the littlest of instances, i've grown from knowing each and everyone of them. i'm not much of a talker so i don't think they'll ever know but i wanted to send it out there to the universe: thank you. i hope that each of the people that i dedicate that to, got a little chill or felt a quick breeze flow their way just now.

bring it on second half of 2010. please be gentle but bring it on! that's a contradiction huh? probably. to be continued folks...

white fluffy clouds

i flew in white fluffy clouds today.

as the plane descended into seattle (en route to big sky country, montana), we flew into a mass of white. i think it was the longest i've ever been amongst and in the clouds. it was surreal. white out as far as my eyes could see, with nothing visible but the plane's wing and its blinking light at its tip. beautiful hints of sunlight would eventually peek through to say hi kissing edges of a few clouds but for the most part it was pure white. imagine being in huge white room with no wall, ceiling, window, door, etc. detectable. for a moment i thought i was dreaming until after a few minutes seattle started to appear underneath.

in these few minutes (20 maybe?) i felt like i was floating. just my body with no plane holding it up. it's a nice interlude as i transition from uber city living these past couple of months to country life. it's a long overdue break. just in one flight i managed to read more than i have for months and now i'm writing. "hi self, i've missed you."

we'll see how this second time around in big sky country treats me. one more plane ride and i'm there.

racing mind

it's one of those nights. my mind's racing; such disorder, i can only describe it as a tornado . nothing specifically negative or positive, just running buck wild.

i google, "mind racing" and Tips on How to Calm Your Racing Mind at Night pops up. i think i'll try this out.

to calm the little green man in my head, i need to spew some of this out there in a stream of consciousness fashion, mixed with a tad bit of word association...

aapcho/recuperate. aawaa/build. indivisible/write. family/love. friends/touch. hubby/closer. self/when?

don't worry if it doesn't make sense to you because it barely does to me, hence me being wide awake.

what a rush

2010 has sped by so far. only one month since my last entry and already so many things have changed. pretty amazing... and i'm oh so thankful for it all. a whole new situation/outlook/phase, whatever you want to call it. whatever it is, i'm loving it. new digs, new job, new pup, new diet, new ink, and too many new adventures to try and recap in one entry. i hear, see, feel, bla bla bla more. like i hoped i would be—i'm awake again.

what next? more inspiring people to meet, amazing places to visit, meatless-scrumdelicious food to eat, eyes and ears to open (including mine own), et cete-freaking-ra. up and down, all around this grand old universe i go.

***
it was funny, the other day, to see a bunch of guys lined up for last minute flowers. i couldn't help but make up stories in my head for each of them for when they would meet their significant others later that night. one dude even picked up and considered getting his partner a garden statue. i mean come on. might as well get car fresheners shaped as dice. really?

***

i'm slowly discovering myself more each day. figuring out what drives me, what makes me tic and toc. i ask myself that question often, "what drives you?" it helps me ponder why the f*ck i do the things i do and feel the ways i feel. so far i know this about my 'now-self' (subject to change in the case that i change my mind in the future, duh):

• my roots drive me (my mom & pops, homeland, culture, all that good ish).
• i'm apparently passionate about public service? question mark here not because i dislike the idea but because i'm still playing around with it.
• meat wasn't as hard to give up as i thought & a veggie diet is a whole new world (insert magic carpet ride here).
• most of the time i'm an introvert but when necessary, i switch it up to 'extro.'
• sweet tooth 637, which will eventually kill me so i need to stop.
• i value open and genuine communication, in all areas of my life both personally and professionally. a.k.a. shady folks need not try.
• pinaka mahal ko ang pamilia ko.

***
until we meet again blog of
unconditional surrender and
rhetoric talking to self,

make it a good day.