Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

- "The Summer Day" by Mary Oliver

mulling

dead end. been over it and been trying to figure out what's next. in the wallowing phase and annoyed at myself for not being able to skip it. seeking [insert answer/solution here].

a yin for your yang

#7 Resolve to find a Yin for your Yang
Walt Disney had Roy Disney, Steve Jobs had Steve Wozniak and Orville Wright had Wilbur Wright. Wherever there is great innovation, there is a Dreamer and an Operator; an Idea Monkey and a (Ring)leader. First, determine where your passions lie, then go find an equally passionate partner, then go change the world.

new

2012 was a hard but good year. Looking forward to making 2013 the best yet.

***
It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.

***
A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.

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by association and other (not) related things

slowly getting back some down time and random things creep to mind. the grey area that is "... by association" is one of those creepers. there's many ways to take it but one in particular is standing out for me right now. i know i know, beat around the bush why don't i? meh, i don't feel like going into it so let's go into something else. you know, sort of like the idea of Attractive by Default (ABD) when someone/something is considered this or that just because of their/its relation to another, but in itself isn't really? i'll stop there before i confuse even myself. well, as a floater, that feeling's never been really outta my system, and recently, i've been feeling it more and more. that is that, "... by association" doesn't count. i wonder if it's because the holidays are around the corner and i've always had mixed feelings about them? the idea behind them i adore of course (family, love, good times) but sometimes they're almost fantasy-like to me. no-emo okay because i can't deny that i have a loving family and the best of friends but, at the risk of sounding like scrooge, it all seems so superficial sometimes--both "... by association" and the holidays. geez, sometimes i wonder how my mind makes these connections/non-connections. i'll look back on this entry someday and will probably think what the hhhh was i talking about?

oh well, at least this happened--picture!

big ball of something

"you're like a big ball of tension," he says. kudos to him for the things he puts up with, poor guy gets the brunt of it all.

how do you convince yourself, it's okay to take care of yourself? i have to admit, i have absolutely no idea. i give the advice often and yet can't genuinely take it myself. it's hard because growing up with parents who took care of everyone else, you can't help but feel you should be doing the same and more. just like my parents, i seem not to know what to do when it comes time to actually focus on myself. are you kidding? if you know me you'd know that i don't like to draw attention to myself so why would i pay attention to me to begin with?

maybe that's why i love the beach so much, specifically the waves. everything is washed away as you let yourself be carried by the water and for a brief moment you feel weightless. that and jumping out of a plane or riding a motorcycle/bicycle really really fast so that all you hear is the wind blowing and all you see is a blur.

shades, tones, & variations

“I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited.”

― Sylvia Plath